And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
last night I used snow as a chaser
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
