1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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