Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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