oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
