I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
