Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
