i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
