Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
