Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
