Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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