...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
