I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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