I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
