she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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