I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
