oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
