You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
