i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
