I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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