Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
