I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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