what day is it and did you see me today?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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