I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Randomize
