Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
