No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
