She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
