So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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