despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
