your thong is hanging out like whoa
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
