Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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