That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
