Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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