Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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