i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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