Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
