Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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