fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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