We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
