She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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