Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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