I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
