ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
