if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think my vagina is haunted
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
