I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
