He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
