listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
