I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how drunk are you?
Several
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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