Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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