I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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