Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
