Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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